I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
