At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
