I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
