you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
