i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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