i barfeds in our rink
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
