god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
