There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
mondays should just be called national damage control day
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
