Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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