I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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