I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
