Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
