So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
