What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
