so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
