She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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