names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
bring money and cleavage
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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