And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
