3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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