guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
