I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
