i don't like sucking hair
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
