i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
