Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
