Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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