I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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