Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
