I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
