You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
