I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
