I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
