Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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