And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
