Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
