umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
