I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
