Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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