he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
