you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
