Christians are straight up FREAKS
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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