i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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