We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
