I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
