I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
