am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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