in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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