The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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