So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
