Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
