How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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