I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
