WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
