is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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