New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
