I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
