so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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