And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
