dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
