i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
