ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
