I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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