i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
