a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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