My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
