I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
