I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
